I ruined my best friend’s wedding after hearing what her family said about me

Granted, all of this happened from meet to wedding in about 9 months. Within a few weeks, he sells his car so he’s driving her truck, he picks a fight with various friends and she becomes more isolated. They drink heavily together and she’s getting in trouble at work. She and I cannot talk or meet up without him by her side. I paid to run a background check. He keeps changing his last name, takes wives last names. He has an active aggravated domestic violence restraining order on him granted right before he hooked up with my bff – still active. 2 daughters, the oldest doesn’t associate with him. Oh, and was married 3 times prior! Red flags everywhere. I tell her. She says that she knows he was married before but she “knows everything” and “it’s not like that” and he had a hard life, excuses, excuses. I tell her people are coming to me because they see bruises on her, have experience with his druggie self, she’s isolated, horrible stories are circulating about his/her behavior (later corroborated as true). She denies all and says “he loves me. “Time passes. We cannot talk or meet up because he monitors her, goes through her cell phone. The rare occasions we have contact he’s glued to her and is an asshole. No one has met or even heard if he has any friends. No contact with his life. Fake FB profiles.

Later, her mom is in the hospital and I went to visit. Turns out my dad was brought by ambulance to hospital without my knowledge so I find out and am running between hospital rooms checking on both. Her mom had a moment. I call her. No answer. I leave messages and texts. We finally meet up elsewhere and she brings asshole who laughed at her mom and said some of the most insensitive shit I’ve ever heard. While she’s in the restroom, he spills a shot of tequila i refused from him at me and grabs my arms. When my bff returns he tries to interrupt anything we say, strokes her like a pet with hands on throat and top of head, tells me how she’s losing weight and getting more beautiful (I’m phrasing it more nicely than he did). It was utterly disgusting and disrespectful. Especially in light of the situation, we are expressing concern over our parents dire health situations. I hug her and tell her it was rude, he’s disrespectful, and he needs to stop talking and get away from us. She says I know, but that’s how he is. As we part ways from our hug, I see the bruises on her arms. They are the wrong angle, color, and placement for fun happy kinky bruises. Every time I try to talk to her, “she loves him, he loves her, she’s “got this”, but I’m the one who has folks calling me telling me about the fights, the rumors, the mind games, their concerns, but she just won’t listen to reason. Her own family doesn’t like the guy, but they won’t step up to the plate and speak their mind because she does whatever she does. He finds out information and blackmails people into silence. Other women have contacted my bff and harassed her while playing %uckaround with him. Oh, did I mention that Mr. Designs Parks got FIRED from his job CUTTING THE GRASS at the park? Yeah, one lie after another. So he’s already living off her $$$. So fast forward, approx. 2 weeks ago. My BFF, her sis in law, my friend, and I meet for a ladies luncheon. We drink, have food, a good time. I play nice and don’t say anything about the groom. We decide to go elsewhere and be social. Oh, can’t go to our usual place because groom may be there with family. Ok, detour. She gets a call. He had some drama. Sis in law calls me to pick her up from the house as they are fighting. I do so. 2 weeks before the wedding he got into some sort of argument because he had contact with another woman!!! My BFF then shows up with him in tow!!! He was his usual a-hole self and grabbing on me and demanding I like him. Needless to say this entire day went to hell and I kept my cool even with him being an ass. BFF’S mom says he hates me because I am the one person in her life he cannot control and sees through him. So, a couple days before the wedding I make the long drive to her house to prep the food for the wedding. He’s all over me, tells me he didn’t think I’d show. I told him I wasn’t there for him, but for her, and I’m a woman of my word. He keeps touching me, in my face, etc. I still kept my cool and told him repeatedly do NOT touch me, respect my boundaries and personal space. My BFF told him repeatedly to leave me alone and be good. Who the %uck has to even tell a grown man this?!?! So, I butchered a side of beef and my bff walks up to me as he’s walking away from messing with me yet again and I tell her, “you just saw me butcher this and you know how good I am with a knife? Keep him away from me.” Her eyes got huge and he was behind me. She ushered him out. Sis in law showed up. I made them homemade beef stock, stew meat, and steaks for personal use, plus marinades, and we prepped the remaining food, etc. If I was such a dick, I wouldn’t have. I continue to play nice, gave him advice on his outfit for the wedding because he had the Elton John/Liberace sequined and satin 70’s collar shirt with a scooby doo Freddie nonmatching cravat thing happening with a seersucker suit and wicker shoes and it was hideous. Anyways, I say I gotta head back, it’s a long drive, but we all decide to go have a drink. Us girls toast to my BFF’S health and happiness. He doesn’t like that we didn’t mention him. He’s triggered and is grabbing my arm and in my face demanding me to like him. He brings up that I background checked him. I say yes I did, he claims he’s never laid hands on her and that he can have his men in black friends hurt me or change his background to a pedophile (really? Of all the examples you say that?!?!? Gross). Bff runs off crying and her fiancee goes after her. Apparently, another guy saw him and reported it to the bartender. A bartender comes outside and asks if I’m ok. We explain that anywhere this guy goes it’s a shitshow, but we are ok. Bff comes back, I sit on the outside edge of the table, she’s in the middle, her fiancee is in the far side sitting on the seat and her sis in law is sitting on a table facing us. Us girls are talking. Out of nowhere, he grabs me by the back of my head from behind my bff and yanks me backwards. I stand up, exclaim “did you Really!?!?!” and punch him in the face. Bff freaks and runs off and they leave. Sis in law and I stay there in shock, I drink water, I ask the bartender for the security footage but she doesn’t have access, so we go back to sis in law’s house, and just talk till 2am before I head home. She confirms it was an unprovoked attack by him outta nowhere. Next day, I text my bff that he is out of control, cannot respect boundaries, refuses to take no for an answer and she agrees it was a shit show, he was wrong, she’ll talk to him, etc. Yeah, I didn’t hear back on how that went down. But sis in law went to pick up food and fiancee was there and he continued carrying on about how can he “make” me like him? When she confronted him on attacking me he claimed that I punched him! She told him that was a lie. He then changed it to how I punched him in the back when they weren’t looking. And so this is the story he fed to my bff. And she believes it. Because she doesn’t want to own up to what a mistake she’s making. So, I don’t hear from her. Was supposed to spend the night before the wedding. I get a text to just show up at noon for wedding set up. I don’t respond because I’m stunned that she is still marrying this asshole and she cannot even acknowledge what is right in front of her. I decide I’m not going to the wedding. Day of- Sis in law calls and texts begging me to show up. Bff leaves a brief voicemail to be there. This is where I apparently lose my mind. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for months worrying about her, scared she’s going to wind up severely hurt on so many levels – physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. I did what any INSANE and fiercly protective woman would do – if my best friend is gonna make the worst choice of her life to date, I gotta stop it! So I called a mutual friend to drive me, I handmade a sign that read “As your best friend, I OBJECT! You deserve better! Done with love xoxoxox” and taped it to the back of my shirt and put a jacket over it. At this point, I had a vague idea in my head that I would stand to the side and let her read it and if she went ahead, I would have to just go with it. It did NOT go down that way, I met up with some other concerned friends who warned me this would either snap her out of it or end our friendship, but most likely would end it. But they knew that talking to her hadn’t gotten through and agreed that if me going to this extreme and being willing to end my most precious friendship would at least make her maybe think, then nothing would. So I show up and I saw the fear in the groom’s eyes. In the side room, I hugged her dad, I hugged her and told her she was the most beautiful bride in the world, that I loved her more than anything and I hoped she knew that, I hugged her mom and told her I loved her and to not forget that, and as I walked into the wedding venue, and saw that asshole, my mind snapped. I cannot say that I didn’t know what I was doing. I took off my jacket and threw it and my purse at my friend, the wedding photographer snapped a pic- I remember that much. All I really remember is it was like an out of body experience because I locked eyes with the groom waiting at the altar and I strutted up there and double flipped him off, turned around and continued double flipping him off as he read what was on my back, said I object, and strolled towards the exit. I do remember locking eyes with some of her family who were smiling and nodding and then being grabbed and pulled/pushed out the door. I vaguely recollect my bff standing there looking confused and her groom and his friend yelling and pushing me and I spun around so she could read the sign and saying I love you but I object and I don’t remember much else except getting to the parking lot and falling into my friends arms to cry and lose what was left of my shit. And then my friends gave me ALCOHOL and with reckless abandon I announced to anyone that would listen that I ruined my best friends wedding because she was marrying a narcissistic, controlling, abusive douchebag and I tried to warn her. I just couldn’t stop the train wreck that I was engineering. Choo, choo, insert fiery explosion here. So yes, I ruined her wedding. I didn’t think it through. I acted impulsively. I was a jerk. I didn’t consider that I might be causing her hurt and embarrassment. All she and folks ignorant of the background see is that I ruined her special day. And I sorta did. No, I did. She got married anyways. I was selfish, despite my surface intentions to save her, because I ignored that she was going to do this anyway. I pushed her further into his arms and under his control. And now, despite some folks cheering me on and sharing stories of how it happened to them and they wished they had listened, it doesn’t help that I have irrevocably lost the one person in the universe I have always been there for, have loved and cared for as my own flesh, and I wake in the morning with tears on my face and a hole in the center of my chest. But the strange thing is. I don’t regret it. The objection. I don’t. I regret the execution. The pirroutte while flipping the bird, definitely not my finest moment! She made a horrible terrible choice and I pray that she’s going to be okay. I hope some good comes out of this in that he really does have to step up, treat her right, and proves me wrong. Because now, all eyes are watching. And I go on with my life being one of the most hated former friends to ever exist. If you were to do something as stupid and reckless as I did, besides owning it (I do), what now? She already texted me stating how dare I, friendship over, etc, and all I could text was “nothing I say matters and I wish you the best in all things.”